The Immagnifecent Adventure of Luffy and Zoro
by OnePieceisGod
Summary: One Piece meets Clerks meets Pineapple Express. Two friends at a dead in job get in to some deep #!%. Full of twists, turns, shootings, makin love, good jokes, bad jokes, and Sanji with the personality of a crackhead. About 10 chapter series. Revised.
1. At least we saw some T&A

One Piece: The Immagnificent Adventure of Luffy and Zoro (REVISED)

One Piece meets Clerks meets Pineapple Express. Two friends at a dead in job get in to some deep $#!%. Full of twists, turns, shootings, makin love, good jokes, bad jokes, and Sanji with the personality of a crackhead.

Reminder: All characters wear modern clothes.

Disclaimer:  
I do not own anything.

Reissued.

Redone. (Kinda)

Re-mastered. (Don't care)

Hope you like it if you haven't read it yet. If you've already read this before, read it again. Why not?

Chapter 1: "At least we saw some T&A while we worked there."

This story takes place in a city in one of 50 states united by people who speak american. But not in Alaska or Hawaii. Today we find our homies in a crappy quick stop store in a quiet rural area of the city on a Friday afternoon.

"Luffy!!!!!!" Zoro walked out of the back freezer with an empty box marked - "Frozen Food", pissed off as can be. "Where are all the frozen pot pies dumbass!?!?"

Said dumbass was laid back in a casual manner behind the cash counter, tilting his chair and reading a magazine marked "Busty Beauties." He looked up with a lazy expression, "I ate'em." Zoro's face exploded with anger, "WHAT THE FUCK YOU MEAN YOU ATE THEM!!!!!" Luffy had now an even lazier look, "What the hell you mean 'what the fuck you mean you ate them!' I. Ate. Them. Like I said, simple grammar and sentences dude, get a grip. Don't make me apply you for a 'help retarded people be not so retarded' program."

Zoro was livid "What the hell was that?! Something you pulled out of your ass?! And how could you eat frozen food if we have nothing in the store to warm it up!! If you eat them raw you'll throw up!!" Luffy bent down quick and threw up in a nearby garbage can as Zoro was talking.

"What? Repeat that I had to throw up. Dude,*ugh*(exhale/burp)whoa! It must be something I ate."

"Luffy, I WILL kill you if we get fired from this job!"

"Who sells pot pies in a quick stop anyways?"

"YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!"

"Dude chillax we ain't gonna get fired."

"That's what you said at the last job, and at Pizza Hut, and at Burger King, and at the ice cream parlor in the mall!!!"

"Maybe we shouldn t work where there's food."

"WE FUCKIN' TRIED THAT TOO, AND YOU GOT US FIRED!"

"Oh yeah! The-Lingerie-Department!" Luffy chuckled as he said it in a I-think-Im-cool-but-Im-really-a-dork way.

"Don't remind me shithead" Zoro seemed to cry at the memory, "It was the perfect job! A guy's dream!" 'sorrow' in his voice.

"At least we saw some T&A while we worked there."

Zoro looked at him darkly "YOU did, that s why we got fired." his hiss was low and slightly homicidal. He thought about his situation ("Why the hell am I stuck with this dumbass!? I know I was tight with his brother in collage but when he asked for a place to stay when he blew up his apartment I figured it be fine. I did owe his bro for saving my life once.") He looked at the 'dumbass', now making a paper hat out of the magazine with the nude pictures showing, ("but I had no idea he would cause so much hell!")

Then they heard a familiar voice muffled by the store walls shouting outside.

"Hey kids! Need some Weed?!! I got all yous want but it ain't for free!"

Author's Note: Sanji and Usopp are dressed up like Jay and Silent Bob.

Zoro and Luffy went outside and saw Sanji and Usopp hanging out next to the store entrance. "What are you two doing?" Zoro didn't like Sanji that much since the first time he met him when Ace introduced them to each other, but he was funny some times. Sanji was in his usual outfit as was Usopp, leaning against the wall smoking a cigarette. Next to him was their boom box with their iPod plugged into it, playing "Got Money by Lil Wayne. Sanji was dancing to the beat, rather badly, moving up and down while bobbing his head side to side. Then he noticed his new 'audience'. Sanji was happy to see his childhood friend Luffy as well as Zoro, the dude Ace always talked about how cool he was. Usopp was a childhood friend of Luffy's as well.

"Wha-ho! Snuchies-Buchies and Greetings Tidings bitches!! What brings you to this Fine-Glass-O'-Wine establishment?"

Zoro seemed annoyed. "We work here dumbass."

"Whoa, what a cowinki-dink! So do we!.......Hey you're not sellin the same shit we're sellin are you?! If so my cohort and I will have to defend our territory! Hey biz-nich! Play some fightin tunes!"

Sanji put up his fists, ready to die for his hood. And then the Numa-Numa song started to play.

"Mya he! Mya hu! Mya ho! Mya ha ha!"

"What the fuck!! No No No! Turn that shit off man!!"

Startled himself, Usopp quickly changed the song to the more appropriate "Scream Aim Fire by Bullets for My Valentine. "Helz yeah! Now this is a song you can get your ass kicked to!"

Zoro was now even more pissed at the antics of dumbass and dumber-dumbass. "We work inside the store dipshit!"

Sanji was reluctant at the info. "Oh.....Ok why the helz didn't you say so? I'd hate to have to kill my bud! Yo D-gay change that shit back to somin funk-ay."

Usopp again changed the song, now "OHOHOHO by Zombie Nation.

"OOOOOO. Me likey" Sanji started to do an extremely bad robot while Usopp bobbed his head in the background.

"So wazz nu bigges(g pronounced like a j)" Sanji still doing the robot.

Luffy now talked "Nothing much Sanji, can't complain."

At this Sanji was alarmed pointing his finger at Luffy threateningly "Hey, hey, hey,..hey,.......hey. Don't be shoutin my name like I'm makin love to ya man! There's people I know who think I'm a good kid. Can't have snitches fuckin that up! Know what Im sayin?" Sanji looked around suspiciously to make sure no one heard his friend. "Whatever" was all Zoro snorted but Luffy looked intrigued. "So what do you go by?" Sanji looked at him with the ut-most seriousness. "Durin my runs,..... they call me Sanj"

"Hahahahahahahaha!!! You're such a dumbass!" Zoro couldn't help but laugh. "What makes you think no one will recognize you just because you took the i off your name! You still look the same too stupid! Hahahaha!."

Sanji- I mean SANJ looked at him as if he were insulted more than angry. "Duh! You think I didn't think about that? I m not stupid. But I figured if they were to suspect me they WOULD think I would use a better code name so Sanj is perfect! They'll never suspect a thing!"

Zoro held his wail of laughter this time. "Right..... you could have fooled me.*pft* *heha* Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!"

Ignoring Zoro, Luffy continued his intrigue "So what's Usopp's code name?"

Sanj grinned "Well you know how he don't talk much ever since his mom put soap down his throat when he lied about who shot her favorite dog, "Mister Woozynuts" the Poodle, when he was little and I always make fun of him for not talking?"

"Yeah........." Luffy was getting drawn in every second.

"So I decided Mute Sopp be the perfect name for'em." (Mute Sopp is kind of lame but it s all I could come up with without using the word silent.)

"Hahahahahahaha!!! Mute Sopp?! Shit you're stupid! Hahahahahaha!!" Zoro's sides were hurting at Sanj's stupidity. This was the funny that made Zoro like 'Sanj' sometimes.

Sanj looked at him " Watch who ya talkin to, or I'd have to mess up ya fa-.......... Well helloooooooooooo!!" He became ecstatic.

Sanj had a right to stare. All the other guys did too, even Mute Sopp.

"Two sexy ladies walkin down the street. Breasts full and booties pumping!" Sanj bit his bottom lip in a pervy way while doing the 'Zing!' pose (you don't know what that is its ok. Not really worth explaining). The two women continued to walk down the sidewalk towards the guys. One was younger than the other but probably not by much with size C verging towards D cup breasts and orange hair down to her shoulders (Guess who). The other woman was probably in her mid or late 20s with an even bigger breast size than her friend's. She was more tan than her friend was and had long jet black hair (Guess who again).

They started to pass though the group in front of them. Sanj looked back at Mute Sopp. "Yo smoky! Go to "Sanj's Classics" playlist! Track 3!" Mute Sopp quickly went to the list on the ipod and pressed play on track 3.

"So Hot" by Kid Rock started to play.

"Hey babies you hungry!? Hows bout a Sanj sandwich?!!" Sanj started to do pelvic thrusts and rotations while using his fingers to circle where his nipples would be though his shirt. Then he started to sing with the song in perfe- scratch that, shitty harmony. "You know cause ya so hot! I wanna getcha alone! Ya know ya so hot! I wanna getchu stoned! So hot! I wanna be yor friend! I wanna fuck like I neva gonna see ya again!!!"

The girls giggled in delight at the 'entertainment'. The orange haired girl even tossed a PENNY at him as they continued to walk away. Sanj felt insulted. "Hey cheap ho! That was at least worth a quarter! Can't even buy weed wit dis man!" He mumbled the last sentence as he walked away in defeat.

As the girls continued to walk away something happened as they passed Luffy and Zoro. The orange haired girl smiled at Luffy as the raven did to Zoro. Luffy turned red slightly, trying to control himself, while Zoro seemed a little shocked. It's not that Zoro didn't like girls just that none of them seemed that interested in him or paid that much attention to him. The girls continued walking without stopping and crossed the street. Sanj looked at them in amazement. "What the hell!!!! You guys did shit and got a smile from'em?!?! Fuck that I m quitin bitches man!" The other 3 guys looked at him.

"That don't mean Im switchin to dudes!!!! Always got masturbation!! Fuck! You bitches all up in my biz-nass!!"

Luffy and Zoro ignored Sanj's apparent 'change of sides' and looked back at the out of this world beauties that just gave them both "we're interested" looks. And watched them walk into a bar across the street, shown in by a weird looking man. Sanj looked at the man and noticed something odd.

"Hey! When the hell did he get back in town!?"

The guys looked at him again. "I said I'm not gay!! Fuck, listen to me fo wonce!!" Zoro shook his head. "No not that dumbass. What guy you talkin about?" Sanj jumped back to sanity, "Oh yeah! That dude cross the street escorting the hunnies into the shady bar place." They looked back at the mystery man. Sanj began to explain who he was.

(Let's pay guess who again)  
"They say he wears that make-up cause he use to be a wrestler.(Know who yet?) And he keeps wearin it cause one night he accidentally killed another wrestler and so he pays tribute to his fallin comrade by always wearin it. When the wrestling company fired him for endin the otha dude's life he lost everything. He started drug hustlin and pimping to get back to the top...." His voice was so methodic as he spoke as if telling a sad, age-old tale.

Zoro looked at the man, then at Sanj "Whats the clown nose for?" (Know who now?)

Sanj was still low and serious in his voice "It was part of his gimmick. After the incident he was forever known as the killer clown."

Luffy thought for a moment, "What's his name"

They looked at Sanj.

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....."

Zoro was surprised, but he really shouldn't have been, "All that and you don't even know his name? You were practically a fuckin walkin Wikipedia a second ago."

Sanj was again insulted, "Hey! I'm not that good with names alright, Zolo?! Shit! All up in my biz-nass...fuckers. Hey Sopp!" Mute Sopp walked over him to whisper the man's name in Sanj's ear "Whats that guy's name again?.....uh..yeah, yeah, yeah, That s it! Boogy! What?...No?....Oh right! Its Buggy that's right man my bad. It's Buggy, I knew that." Even Luffy was no longer impressed at Sanj's 'knowledge'.

Then something popped up in Luffy's head. "Wait if those girls went in the bar with Buggy.... that would mean.." he trailed off. A look of unease and concern came on both his and Zoro's face as they looked back at the bar. "Dude... that sucks for you guys" Sanj and Mute Sopp started to leave. "No" Sanj looked back at what Luffy just said. "What?" Luffy looked angry. "They're not whores. They can't be." Sanj stared for a moment, "Sure looks that way man. Don't worry ya'll can fine some new-" Luffy cut him off, "No! They're not sluts! If...if they are something is wrong. They were too nice and even smiled at us to be whores!" Sanj didn't understand. "Dude they're whores, they re suppose to be nice that s how they get a guy to fuck'em." Luffy was getting angrier "No! I don't believe it!"

Zoro was actually with Luffy on this one. He felt it too. Ace had a since about these things too, ("guess that s where Luffy gets it") he thought.

Luffy started walking to the bar, "I'll prove they aren t whores!" Zoro followed him. Sanj tried to stop them but it was no use "Shit! Rufi! Don't do it! You don't wanna mess wit Booogy. Once you do, he'll get all up in yo biz-nass. Then he'll get all up in MY biz-nass! Fuffy!" He and Mute Sopp ran after Luffy and Zoro heading to the bar with its name in neon lights: "Blueno's Bar".

To be continued

Next Chapter we go into the bar and for now real reason at all we try to save the hoes from OUR assumptions. 


	2. Hooray for My Dumbassness

Chapter 2: "Hooray for my dumbassness"

Luffy opened the door to "Blueno's Bar" and walked in, with Zoro, Sanj, and Mute Sopp behind him. They looked around and found the girls they were looking for. The older raven was sitting in a booth in the back in a corner next to the restrooms and a door with two large men guarding it labeled "VIP". The orange haired girl was talking to Buggy at the bar. "So what's the plan Luffy?" Zoro looked at his friend letting him know he was calling the shots. Much like a captain on ship (haha). Sanj looked distressed. He began a whispered conversation, "Luppy I'm beggin ya not to do it! Let's leave and go to a strip club. There's tons of hoes there!" Zoro was again annoyed, "Hey! Get his name right for once it's Luffy!" Sanj backed up a bit, "My bad Zero, shit." Zoro looked at Luffy again, "So, what we going to do Luffy?" Luffy looked around again and thought to himself, "Shit," The gang looked at him. "What is it?" Zoro thought they were in trouble.

"I ve go to pee."

"Oh fuck! Come on Luffy I thought something important was happening!"

"And here I thought I was lame."

"Sanj,... shut the fuck up."

"Sorry, I gotta go."

"Well, hurry up, shit."

Luffy walked to the restroom and went in. Zoro followed him to the door and leaned on the wall between the door.... and where the dark haired woman was sitting.

Sanj and Mute Sopp sat down in a booth. Thinking it wouldn't draw attention to themselves if they were doing something, Sanj pulled out a deck of cards and he and Mute Sopp began building a Card Tower.

Inside the restroom Luffy peed and washed his hands. As he washed his hands, he looked up at the air vent and remembered that the same air vent went through the bar..... right over where the orange haired girl and Buggy were sitting. Luffy gave a big grin to himself as he got an idea and started to climb up into the vent.

Outside the restroom Zoro looked at the raven girl. He wanted to talk to her but wasn't sure how to come off not sounding like a weirdo. And if she was indeed a prostitute, he didn't want to seem like a lower than life loser paying a slut to do the dirty deed with him. Like Luffy he wanted the girl to be more than that, for some reason he liked her and wanted it to go somewhere. The raven looked at him and noticed he was the guy she smiled at only a few minutes ago and wondered if he wanted something from her. Zoro was taken back, a little not sure what to do or say. He only grinned at her, which seemed to only confuse her. She smiled at him, got up, and walked away. Zoro continued to grin awkwardly till she couldn't see him behind her, then he mentally kicked himself in the head. ("Nice going DUMBASS.") was what he thought in his mind.

Luffy was now in the bar over the heads of Buggy and the orange haired girl, in the vent. He noticed Zoro's horrible attempt with the raven and felt sorry for him. ("Come on Zoro, you can do better than that!") Then he heard Buggy speak, "Come on. You never had a problem with your 'job' before." Luffy frowned at this, it seemed Sanj was right. The orange haired girl spoke "I don't want this anymore asshole! I hate it and Robin wants out too!" ("So the black haired girl's name is Robin that's great Zoro will love that name! And they want to quit being whores that s awesome!!") Luffy became ecstatic. "Now now Nami, you know I can't let you two do that. The boss would be so displeased if 2 of his best employees quit now. He might even order me to KILL you two. And none of us what that do we Nami?" Nami had a look of horror on her face. ("Wow, her name is Nami, such a beautiful name, it fits her perfectly,") Luffy thought ("and that Buggy guy is a dick!") "Ok.....fine." Nami answered, her voice became small and broken. She got up and motioned to Robin they were leaving. ("No! Wait!") Luffy wanted to stop her, he didn't realize his weight was about to give way to the vent grate he was leaning on. "Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!" *CRASH* Luffy fell out of the vent right in front of Nami.

"What the hell!?.... You! That boy from across the street!! What the fuck are you doing!?!"

Everybody stopped what they were doing and looked at Luffy.

Sanj's and Sopp's card tower fell and cards scattered.

Zoro was shocked at first, then smacked his forehead in frustration ("Classic. Fuckin. Luffy.")

Luffy got up and stared at Nami. "Don't listen to Big Nose! You SHOULD quit being a whore!"

Nami had a look of shock on her face then it quickly turned in to anger and shame.

("Oh Luffy. Why the fuck did you just say that?") Zoro smacked his forehead again and buried his face in his hand.

*SMACK!!*

Zoro didn't want to look up. He knew what that sound was. But he had to see how bad Luffy got it.

Zoro looked up and saw a gigantic red mark straight across Luffy's face as Nami slapped him as hard as she could. Luffy stumbled and fell flat on his butt.

Nami still had hate and rage and embarrassment on her face. Can't really blame her, Luffy did call her a whore loud enough where all 20 something people in the bar heard him, including the bartender and the guards.

"Come on Robin, let's go." her voice was low and heated. Her and Robin walked out of the bar, and as far as Luffy and Zoro knew, out of their lives.

"Hahahahahaha!!!! Well arn't you stupid kid!" Buggy howled at Luffy.

"Blueno! Get this guy outa here!" Buggy looked at the bartender. Blueno nodded "Fukurou! Kumadori!" Blueno motioned for the VIP door guards. "Take this trash out."

The two large men picked up Luffy and flung him through the entrance door to the outside curb. Zoro followed.

"You know you're stupid right?" Zoro looked at his defeated friend. Honestly he was defeated in more ways than one. Luffy sat up on the curb looking out into the street in the late afternoon.(about 6:00)

Zoro sat down next to Luffy on the curb. Luffy looked at Zoro, "How much you think she likes me now?" Zoro lightly smirked, "I'd say.....about 2 out of 75." Luffy chuckled "What the hell was that? Something you pulled out of your ass???" Zoro laughed a little, it was the exact same line he used on Luffy earlier today, "I felt like making something up, but its still pretty true."

"Yeah. Hey, a two is better than a one though right?!"

"Haha. I guess so."

"I'm a fuck up."

"Wow, don't be a mood killer or anything. You're really not that bad man."

"Thanks........... sorry about getting you fired all the time."

"*Exhale* Don't worry about it. Getting fired from 5 different jobs in the last 3 months has actually been pretty fun. Slightly annoying but whatever."

"Thanks Z, you're a good friend."

"You know what?"

"What?"

"You never told me, how did you blow up your apartment room?"

"......"

"Well..."

"I......tried...doing the 'Fire Fist'."

".....Dude............ I can't even do the 'Fire Fist' and Ace even SHOWED me how to do it!"

The 'Fire Fist' was a weed smoking technique that Ace invented involving at least a pound of weed and an odorless, tasteless, and highly illegal and flammable chemical (like improperly contained nitro glycerin) that intensifies the potency of the weed. Ace also made it were when the fist lit the first puff of smoke looked like a giant fist in the air then the large amount of weed just sat there and burned off into a large fog-like smoke. But because of the unstabablity of the chemical it was hard to get it just right without it exploding in your face........and killing you, so no one ever messed with the stuff. But somehow Ace could always do it. ("Sure made his all his party's a lot more kickass") Zoro loved that he had such a badass roommate back in college.

"So... how did you not die?"

"Well, I actually got it to light!"

"No way!"

"Yeah! But I accidentally left the window open so I went to close it. I slipped on something and fell out the window and then I guess the stuff went wack cause then my place exploded."

"Hahahahahahaha!! You ARE a dumbass! But I guess technically your dumbassness saved you. Good thing you lived on the bottom floor of your apartment too. You are one lucky bastard."

Luffy shot up now back to his carefree, happy self. "Hooray for my dumbassness!!"

Zoro was glad he could cheer his friend up. Then he felt like something was missing. He looked around and said, "Wait, where is Captain Dumbfuck and Silent Shithead??"

Luffy looked at him, knowing who he meant "I don't know, maybe still in the bar?"

"I'll go see, you stay here."

"Right."

Zoro went back inside the bar. He looked around but didn't see Sanj or Mute Sopp anywhere. Then he noticed something on the floor........ in front of the "VIP" door. Zoro went to pick it up. Fukuruo growled at him. Zoro gave a cheesy grin at him and walked away. Zoro looked at what he picked up. It was and iPod, Sanj's to be exact Zoro could tell because it had songs like "Sweet Cherry Pie", "Don't Trust Me", "I'm too Sexy", and "She shook me all night long". Zoro's eyes widened, he knew what was going on. He glanced back at the "VIP" door. ("Fuck! Those idiots must have snuck in while the guards were throwing Luffy out. What are they doing!?")

Zoro ran outside to Luffy. Luffy looked confused. "What's up?"  
Zoro looked a him, "We 'might' have a problem."

To be continued

Next chapter, Sanj and Sopp are stupid, we know this, now let's kick back and watch how much more stupid they get. 


	3. I hate your logic

Chapta 3: "I Hate Your Logic"

On a Friday: 7:30 p.m. Behind "Blueno's Bar"

Luffy pulled his head out of a window sill in the back of the building, "Shit. That's the window to the bathroom." He looked at the wall where the "VIP" door would be inside the bar. Zoro seemed as if he didn't care "Man, forget it Luffy, we don't need to save those morons. Let'em figure it out themselves, they're the ones who got into the situation." Luffy looked at Zoro, "You're the one that told me they were in there. If you didn't care why bother saying anything?" Luffy looked like he got him. Zoro closed his eyes in defiance "I admit at first I was uneasy at their stupidity, but then I realized..... they're not here. I'm not annoyed by a ranting dumbass anymore it's paradise." Luffy seemed displeased, "As much as I like that I'm not in the category of 'Ranting Dumbass' anymore, we gotta save them. You seriously don't care what happens?"

"Nope."

"What if they get killed!?"

"Let'em die."

"ZORO!!"

"What? If they're really stupid enough to actually get kil-" He stopped a moment to think about that EXTREMELY LIKELY possibility, "Fine...... but how are we gonna get in there?"

Luffy thought for a moment, then a light bulb went off in his head. "Hey what if we used-" he was cut off by Zoro, "No!" he already knew what Luffy was gonna say because Luffy always suggested it when they had a problem they couldn't solve. Luffy mainly suggested it all the time because he wanted to play with them.

"You don't know what I'm gonna say!"

"Oh yes I do! You ask to use them all the time for something stupid like this. The answer is no!"

"Pleeeeeaasee! I just want to you use ONE to cut a hole in the top of the roof and we sneak in that way."

"And THAT is one of those STUPID things. No."

"Just Yubashi, thats your lamest one anyways."

"NO!!"

"You know it's the only way to get in without going back inside the bar and trying to deal with those guards and save Sanj and Sopp from CERTAIN death and being fucked up into little bits."

"............FINE, but only because there's no other way to save those fucktards, so don't get TOO happy."

"GREAT!! Lets go get it!!!!!!"

"AND you can't even LOOK at Wado Ichimonji!!"

"Awww, alright"

Zoro collected swords, mainly katana, it took alot of time and effort to find rare ones and A WHOLE LOT of money. He had only 4: Yubashi, Sandai Kitetsu, Shuusui, and his pride and joy- Wado Ichimonji. The first day Luffy was staying a Zoro's Luffy took Wado out of it's case while Zoro was gone to his 'then' job and slung it around. Cutting up the couch and busting Zoro's 40inch widescreen plasma TV. Zoro wasn't too happy when he got home. Then he opened the door and saw what Luffy had done that day.

"Alright, we'll go home and get it. But you stay outside! I'm not riskin you finding out the vault and pad lock codes."

"Awwwwwww...."

!#$%^&*())(*&^%$#!!#$%^&*())(*&^%$#!!#$%^&*())(*&^%$#!!#$%^&*())(*&^%$#!

Meanwhile in an extremely large underground bunker under Blueno's Bar.

"Duuuude.....this place is bigger than it looks from outside." Sanj was in awe (quite sad really). He and Mute Sopp continued down the long winding stairway till they got to the bottom. "Soooo....... why are we here again?" Sanj looked at his partner in crime. Sopp just shruged his shoulders in a "I don't know" fashion. ".....Well we gotta be down here for something"......................................... "We didn't think this through did we?" Sopp shook his head.

"So what the FUCK now!?"

*Shrug*

"Well I guess we should go back up stairs."

*Shaking head "no"*

"What? Why not?"

*Points upwards. Scary guard impersonation.*

"Oh right, they would probably kill us wouldn't they?"

*Nodd*

"...........................Well.......... we're fucked."

*Panicky nodd*

"Fuck! And I dropped my ipod somewhere, now we can't even die listening to GOOD music. Shit."

* "Aw well" shrug*

Then they heard footsteps coming from the stairway. "Shit! Hide Numb Nuts!" Sanj and Sopp quickly ran behind a wall. Buggy came into view as he continued to walk though the bunker to a large door. "Hey, it's the clown pimp! He must be doin some kinda job down here right now." Sanj whispered to Mute Sopp. Then something went off in Sanj's head. "Dude I got it! We can hold that dude up at gun point and make him leave the babes alone. They won't be whores anymore and Flippy and Zudo can score!.... But we need a gun first." While Sanj was contemplating on how to get a gun,, Mute Sopp looked at him in shock and awe. Did Sanj just say something that would help somebody ELSE!? "Hey! Don't look at me like that. I can be carring when I fuckin feel like it dickhead." Sopp rolled his eyes. "Hey! Fuck you man!"

Buggy heard something and wasn't sure what it was, but he thought it was a voice. "Who's there!?!" Sanj was scared and covered his mouth. "Shit! He found us out! Don't worry I got this. *Uhghemm* N-...no body's here!!"

Sopp smacked his forehead with his hand. Buggy pulled out a knife and went to the spot where he heard the voice. "Aha! Who the hell are you!" "AHHHHHHHHH!!" Sanj screamed like a girl in fear. "Oh god shut up, what are you a little girl?! Wait..... I know you! Your that dumb shit that sells drugs on corners like I do!" Buggy had the knife at Sanj's throat.

"N-n-no I-i'm not! But if I was I wouldn't sale on any street corner! There's this night place across the street in front of a quick stop that's pretty good."

"Yes you are!" Buggy looked at Sopp. "And your his sidekick! Silent U!"

"It's Mute Sopp actually." (Oh so he gets his name right at least)

"QUITE!"

"Eeep!"

"I don't know why you two are here-" Sanj cut him off.

"Dude! That s crazy we don't know either!"

"SHUT UP!"

"Eeep!"

"I don't know why you two are here,.... But I think the boss would like to see some of his PATHETIC competition. And then he'll tell me how do deal with you two."

!#$%^&*())(*&^%$#!!#$%^&*())(*&^%$#!!#$%^&*())(*&^%$#!!#$%^&*())(*&^%$#!

Outside "Blueno's Bar" Zoro and Luffy came back with Yubashi and climbed up onto the roof.

Zoro seemed skeptical about Luffy's plan, but then again, he always did. "Are you sure this will work?"

"Nope."

"Then why the fuck are we trying this." Zoro was now pissed.

"Cause it's all we got."

"....I hate your logic."

"Yeah but that s ok."

Zoro ignored his annoyance THIS time. Even though they WERE stupid ideas, Luffy's plans always seemed to work..........usually..........sometimes..........kinda. That's not the point. Anyways Zoro decided to let Luffy lead and see where it follows. "So where do we cut, we better get it right, there's no second time for this kinda thing." "Right." Luffy looked around, thinking really hard to get the right position, "There." he pointed. "Are you sure?" Zoro raised a brow. "Dude, come on. I'm not stupid. It's against the wall right? So we cut there duh." "Alright, alright." Zoro began to cut the top of the roof. Amazingly it cut pretty easy for the top of a roof. Zoro was half way through. Luffy poked his head in Zoro's face. "You done yet?"

"DOES IT LOOK LIKE IT!"

"Damn, sorry."

*CRACK*

"What was that?"

"Don't know."

Zoro looked at where Luffy was now crouching. "YOU IDIOT!"

"What?"

"YOU'RE ON THE HOLE IM CUTTING!!"

*CRACK* *SNAP*

"AAAAAAHHHHH!!!"

As Luffy fell he grabbed Zoro and pulled him down with him. "DON'T BRING ME DOWN TO IDIOT!!!"

*CRASH!*

".............Ow..." Zoro regained himself and saw where he a Luffy had landed. They were inside the bar...... on top of the ruble of the roof, and the two guards to the "VIP" door. "Shit........Luffy." Luffy shook of the grogginess as well.

"Yeah?"

"Look where we are..."

Luffy looked around, "Oh........ fuck."

"I hate you......... And your logic."

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Down in the criminal hideout bunker.

"Hey boss! Look what I found snooping around down here, a couple of rats." Buggy pushed Sanj and Sopp to their knees (they now had their hands tied) and presented them to his boss. Inside the room was the crime boss and 3 of his subordinates: a woman and two men. "I see. Do they know the punishment of this act?" the man in a large chair, face hidden in shadow asked. Buggy smirked, "I don't think they do, boss." The man in the chair grinned. "Kaku, show these two what happens when you spy on our work."

A man with a long square nose pulled out a gun and pointed it at Sanj and Sopp. "Whoa! whoa! whoa! whoa! whoa! There's no need for that, come on guys we're all....... civilized people. Can't we get along a figure this out." Sanj was pleading for is life. The man named Kaku came more into light reveling his whole facial features. Sanj looked at him, "Whoa, his nosed is more fucked up than yours Sopp man." Kaku hit Sanj in the back of the head with the edge of his gun.

*WHACK*

"OW!! Shit! Chill, take it easy man!" Kaku hit him again.

*WHACK!*

"OW! Ok! I get it! I'm sorry I said your nose was fugly. It's actually very lov-"

*WHACK!!*

*THUD* Sanj fell to the ground.

"............OW........ that one hurt too....."

"Kaku! That's quite enough."The man in the chair stood up and walked into the light towards Sanj and Mute Sopp. It revealed him as a man with black hair in a bushy ponytail, a goatee, and a pet pigeon on his shoulder. (DA DA DUH!!!)

Sanj got back up to his knees. "........Who the fuck are you?"

A vien seemed to appear on the man's head, but he kept his cool. "My name is Rob Lucci, and I am the ruler of mass crime in this city." (This Rob Lucci is more "out-spoken", spastic, and very full of himself. He is also a snob with a huge ego.) (Ha. I'm pretty sure I was just redundant then, aw well.)

Sanj looked at him in confusion. "Wait I thought the big ka-huna of crime 'round here was Cr-" Lucci cut him off. "*AHEM!* I am his protoge, and will take over his control here when he is a way on other.... more important matters." Sanj started to gain feeling back in his head, "Oh....... that makes sence. Sooooo...... we... can... go... now... right?..."

*WHACK*

"OW! WHAT THE FUCK!!" Sanj felt groggy, his vision blurred.

"Shut up." Kaku had hit Sanj again. Sanj again hit the ground.

*THUD* Sanj laid there this time, not getting up just to get hit again.

".....................You guys are assholes."

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"Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! SHIT!!" Zoro and Luffy were running as fast as they could from the angry Fukuruo and Kamadori chasing them down the stair way. "GET THEM!!" They could hear Blueno from the top of the stairway. "Luffy! Now what the fuck do we do!?" Zoro looked at Luffy in angry anticipation. ("He better have something up his fuckin sleeve!") Luffy thought as he ran, "Hell if I know." "............ I hate you."

*BANG* *BANG* *BANG*

"HOLY SHIT!! THE'RE SHOOTING AT US!!!!!!"

"DUDE!!! THIS IS CRAZY!! HAHAHAHA!!"

"WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU LAUGHING!?!?!? GGGGGGRRRRRRR..... I HATE YOU!!!"

Lucci and the others heard the gunshots. "What was that!?" Buggy was terrified. Lucci and the other 3 brushed his cowardness. "Jybura, Kaku, go see what that is." Kaku and the other man, Jaybura, nodded and went to the door. More gun shots, and Sanj and Mute Sopp looked up also curious at what it could be. Suddenly without warning the door crashed open.

*WHAM*

"SHIIIIIIIITTT!!!" Luffy and Zoro screamed as they were so busy running for thier lives, they didn't even realize the door in front of them. Zoro and Luffy got up and again they were on top of some bodies, this time it was Kaku and Jaybura. "Who are they?" Lucci asked in an annoyed and angry tone. "I...I-It's you!!" Buggy pointed at Luffy. Luffy just stood there. Then he noticed Sanj and Mute Sopp. Sanj, still in pain, had a look of utter joy on his face. "Laffy! Zuko! You came to save our asses alright!!... One of you wouldn't happen to have my ipod would you?" Zoro rolled his eyes and picked Sanj up. "Luffy! You get Mute man and let s get the hell outa here NOW!!!" Kaku and Jaybura got up and started shooting at them. "FUCK!!! LET"S GO!!!" Zoro and Luffy bolted as fast as they could, but Luffy got caught by something and tripped.

*FMHP*

Zoro looked back, ("SHIT! WE ARE SO SCREWED!") Luffy looked up at him, "GO!! GET OUT NOW!! We'll be fine." Zoro looked hesitant, but then nodded, and ran.

To be continued 


	4. Oh my god! They killed Eiichiro Oda!

Chapter 4: "Oh my god! They killed Eiichiro Oda!"

Sadly, Sanj was right. The bunker was much bigger than it looked. Zoro ran out the main room, down the closest hallway he could find and hide in a room from their pursuers. He put Sanj down and rested. Sanj however was freaking out. "Dude, WHAT THE HELL ZENO!? YOU JUST LEFT OUR BUDS BACK THERE! WHAT THE FUCK MAN!?" Zoro became pissed at having to save this dumbass. "Hey! I just saved you ass! Be a little more appreciative! And we're going back to save Sopp and Luffy! We just need a damn plan first!"

*Bloop*

Both Zoro and Sanj heard the noise. "What was that?" "Hell if I know."

*Bloop*

*Bloop*

"What the FUCK man!?"

*Bloop*

A strange machine in the corner of the room was giving off the sound. "What is that?" Zoro went up to the machine. "I don't know.... It's some kinda- What the fuck are you doing!?!" Sanj started pushing all the buttons he could find on the machine. "Man fuck that 'bloop' noise! I'm shut this shit down!"

*Bloop* *Bloop* *Bloop* *Bloop* *Bloop*

The noise got faster.

*bloopbloopbloopbloopbloopbloopbloopbloopbloop*

"Oh......... fuck."

"Great! Now it's even more fucking annoying!" Zoro slightly pulled out Yubashi, really wanting to kill Sanj where he stood.

"Hold up! I can fix this!"

*bloopbloopbloopbloopbloopbloopbloop- bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!!!!!*

"Great! Now it s fucking bleeping!!"

"Well shit!"

*Bllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepppp-_____________________*

"Uhhhhhhhh... it stopped."

"Thank god!"

Suddenly a trap door opened and Zoro and Sanj fell though. "AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! FFFUUUUUCCCKKKK!!!!!!"

They landed hard on a concrete floor. "........Ow..... I'm really fuckin tired of hurtin man." Sanj was holding his head in pain, Zoro was laying flat face down on the floor, Sanj sitting on top of him. "Get... the hell... off me." Then they heard guns clicking.

*Click* *Click* *Click* *Click* *Click* *Click* *Click*

Sanj and Zoro looked up. About 20 thugs with oozies, hand guns, and AK 47s were pointing their loaded guns at them. Sanj and Zoro were almost in unison "......Fuck."

"What the hell is this!? What happened!? Why has production stopped!?" A tall bald black man in a fine black suit walked into the crowed. One of the underlings with a gun spoke. "These guys came from the upper control room Mr. Bonez sir." 'Bonez' looked at Zoro and Sanj "What.... the FUCK... are you two shitheads here for?" Sanj and Zoro sheepishly grinned. Zoro was even off his normal 'I don't care composure' "Uhhhh... well we ....are the inspectors! Isn't that right Mister RedLeg!?" Sanj shoot Zoro a look before returning to his cheesy smile, "Why... YES! Yes we are Mister Syntoriyu!" They looked at Mr. Bonez and continued to smile cheaply. Daz Bonez pulled out his gun, "Do you morons have any idea what this place is?" Zoro and Sanj looked around.

What they saw was mass production of weed, ecstasy, crack, and other illegal drugs. Packaging, machines, boxes of drugs, being put on the assembly lines to be packaged and shipped. "Looks like a massive drug ring."

*WHACK*

Daz Bonez hit Zoro with the back end of his gun. "Yes, that s exactly what it is." "...ugh... Then why did you hit me?" Zoro was groggy.

*WHACK*

"Because if you're smart enough to know, you're too smart to let live." Sanj laughed at Zoro, "Hahaha! Ain't fun gettin fucked in the head is it, Green man!? Hahaha!"

*WHACK*

"OW! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!"

"For talking, shut up." Daz Bonez continued his speech, "And you two morons fucked up the process in the main control room." Sanj and Zoro looked up to where they fell and realized what that machine did. "Oh.... so that's way the 'bloop' was."

*WHACK* *WHACK*

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Back in the main room where Luffy and Mute Sopp are captured: "Well done Kalifa." Rob Lucci congratulated his female subordinate for tripping Luffy and capturing him and Mute Sopp. "All for you.... my love." Kalifa cooed "YUCK! Don't do that nasty shit in front of us!!" Luffy whined no wanting to see Lucci and Kalifa cuddle and make out. "Shut up brat! Or I'll do more than tie you up!" Lucci smirked and walked over to Luffy and Sopp. "Now now Kalifa dear, The Boss will be here soon and I think he will find this boy and his friends amusing. So let s not kill them just yet shall we."

Suddenly the door opened and Daz Bonez walked in with 3 other men carrying in a tied up Zoro and Sanj. "Ah Mr. Daz Bonez, the boss's 'Number 1' officer and bodyguard. And it seems you caught our.... insignificant nuisances." The men put Zoro and Sanj down by Luffy and Sopp and left. Daz Bonez stayed and looked at Lucci in annoyance. "A couple of fools too much for you Lucci? Perhaps you are NOT ready to take boss's place in the city." Lucci was now concerned, "No! Now come on Bonez, be reasonable, this isn't a big problem." "For YOUR sake let us hope not."

The door opened again this time two men came in, dragging two very familiar women. "Hey boss Buggy! We got somin for ya." Buggy looked as HIS subordinates. "Mojji? Cabajji? What are you doing with those whores?" Luffy and Zoro looked up, being held by the arm by Mojji was Robin, and by Cabajji, was Nami. "Hey!!" Nami looked over and saw an overjoyed Luffy, ("Damn it! Why is that asshole here!?") Mojji spoke up "We caught these two at the train station, going on a trip outa town.... one way." Buggy smirked evilly. "Well, well, trying to skip town instead of doing your job eh? I guess I'll have to teach you sluts some manners-" Lucci put his hand in front of a greedy Buggy who was traveling toward Nami and Robin. "We will handle this Buggy, take you man to the private airstrip and go greet our leader. Damn, so much troubling shit today." Buggy looked unhappy but did as he was told. "Fine, Mojji, Cabajji! Come with me." The three left the room and headed to the 'private airstrip'.

Nami looked at Lucci darkly, "..... Who the hell are you?" Lucci lost it this time. "FUCK! MY NAME IS ROB LUCCI DAMN IT!!! WHY THE FUCK DOES NO ONE KNOW WHO THE FUCK I AM!!!!" Lucci was throwing a tantrum. He regained his composure. "Anyways..... you two have been rebellious long enough and it's time you were no longer a problem. Jybura! Kaku! Kill them. Kumadori! Fukurou! Clean up the mess when they're done!" Lucci walked away. Kaku and Jybura pulled out their guns about to kill the two girls. "Hey hold on one fucking second!!" Zoro was struggling to get up. Luffy started ranting and shouting. "YOU DICK HOLE BASTARDS!!! YOU DO SHIT AND I'LL SLIT YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN THOARTS!!!!" Lucci looked at the two of them. Nami and Robin did too. They were shock these two guys who barely knew them were so angry at their possible death. Blueno hit Zoro hard in the back of his head with his gun knocking him out. "I think this guy could use a good nap." He turned to Luffy, "But this one.... needs to shut up permanently." Lucci smirked, "Everyone stop." All the people looked in the room looked at him. "Blueno calm down, Now my obnoxious friend, why do you care so much for these common, worthless, prostitutes." He crouched down to Luffy's level. Luffy looked a Nami and Robin, still scared, and he looked back at Lucci. "Because.... regardless of your corruption on them, they're good people." He looked back at Nami and Robin, "And they don't deserve this." Lucci chuckled and got up. "Hmm, Fine........ kill them anyways." Nami and Robin began to scream "Wait!!! Stop!!! Don't do it!!!" Luffy started yelling again "FUCK YOU ROBERT, YOU ASSHOLE!!!!" Nami and Robin were about to die when...

"Ummmm...... excuse me." a voice came from the front door. Lucci rolled his eyes "What now???" everyone looked at the man at the door. "ugh hi I was looking for the bathroom and...-" Lucci looked in confusion, "Why the hell are you down here for, and who the hell are you??" "Um, my name is Eiichiro Oda and.... I really need to pee..." Daz Bonez rolled his eyes, pulled out his gun and shot Eiichiro. Oda fell to the ground lifeless. Nami and Robin screamed. "WHAT THE FUCK!?" "Holy shit!" (yay! Robin's first line in the story! Bout frickin time.) Luffy and Sanj screamed too.

"OH MY GOD! THEY KILLED EIICHIRO ODA!!!"

"YOU BASTARDS!!!"

Lucci spazed out a little, "Holy shit Bonez! Tell somebody when you do that man! I was like... right in front of you when you shot that guy!!"

"Move next time."

"You could have warned me!! You could have killed me!!"

"Did I?"

"..... No but...."

"Then shut up, next time, if I do kill you, complain then."

"What!? That makes no sen- WHAT THE HELL!?!?"

"Alright... everybody put their FUCKIN guns down and let us go NOW!! EVERYBODY!!"

Somehow, some way, Zoro got loose, got Yubashi, and was now holding Lucci captive by the throat. "Zoro!" Luffy was happy as hell. "Fuck ya! Bushido man!" Sanj was happy too, rootting for Zoro. Mute Sopp was looking up, kind of crying and mumbling something, thanking God probably. Lucci was terrified beyond belief. "Ddd-do as he says! NOW! DROPP YOUR GUNS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!" Everyone put their guns down, everyone... except Daz Bones. "Bonez... What the hell man! Drop the fucking gun!!" Bonez had nothing but seriousness on his face, "I can get him."

"Fuck you can! That s not the point! You really think this guy can't slice my throat as fast as that bullet can hit him!?!?" Luffy, Sanj and Mute Sopp got untied and headed for the door, Zoro backed up towards the door, using Lucci as a human shield. Sanj punched Lucci in the stomach and acted tough, "That s for Eiichiro!" and ran out the door. Zoro looked confused, "Who the hell is Eiichiro???" then he looked down, "Who the hell is that?" Nami and Robin began to run to the door but were stopped by Kaku and Jybura. Zoro tightened his grip against Lucci's neck. "The girls too!" Bonez was so close to pulling the trigger. "I have him Lucci." "Fuck that! I m not risking it! Put your damn gun down!!" Daz Bonez reluctantly put his gun down to his side. "Fine, have it your way Lucci, but let us hope this will not backfire." Then he held his gun back up, this time pointing at Nami and Robin and he stared directly at Zoro. "But the women stay." Zoro knew whatever he said wouldn't help. He hoped they would be alive when they got back, the WOULD come back.

He looked at Robin and Nami, mainly Robin. She could tell he was worried about HER. Zoro mouthed 'I will come back for you'. Robin nodded, understanding, then Zoro let Lucci go and ran like hell to the upstairs bar and to the outside.

Lucci checked his throat to make sure it wasn't cut at all. He looked at his men, "Well.... Don't stand here! Get them back damn it!" Kaku, Jybura, Fukurou and Kumadori ran out the door. Lucci stopped Blueno. "Wait..... call Franky. Tell him we got a job for him. Tell him to find those four and kill them." Blueno nodded. Kalifa had tied up Nami and Robin. Lucci looked at them, "Lock them up, we'll keep them alive.... for now." Lucci knew that they would come back for the girls. ("I know those fools will come back for those sluts," (See.) "So I'll keep them alive for now and use them as bait later on.")

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Somewhere in a building in the city: a man heard his phone ring. He got up from his bed, leaving TWO women with oddly shaped square hair in the bed asleep. "Hello?" the man answered. On the other end Blueno explained to Franky, the hitman, the situation. "Got it. Consider it done." Franky got up, changed his clothes and started to walk out of his large apartment room. "Nma, What are doing now bro?" Another man was at a table in the living room on the computer, just surfing around the internet. Fanky snorted, "Nothing that concerns you, Ice-baka."

'Ice-baka' just snorted back, "Another hit eh?...... You know Tom-san wouldn't want-"

"I know what Tom-san would want!...... I can't stop now Iceberg...... I WILL get close enough, you'll see."

Iceberg snorted again, "You're always welcome at Galley-la Mechanics, remember that bro."

"Yeah, I will bro, I will."

Iceburg went to his room to sleep. Fanky went out the door....... to kill.

To be continued 


	5. When I was a rouge street fighter

Chapter 5: "When I was a rouge street fighter."

9:30 p.m. Friday.

Zoro ran like hell. Luffy ran like hell. Sopp ran like hell. Sanj.... ran like fuck. "We gotta get outa here bitches!!!!"

They were getting shot at now.

*BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG*

"FUCK I DON'T WANNA DIIIIE-IE-IE-IE!!!" Sanj was pretty much crying at this point.

They made it to the bar, out the door, into the bar's parking lot. Zoro, as well as everybody else was out of breath. "Now what *Pant*.... *Pant*" They looked at Zoro, he made sense. Sanj rolled his eyes, "Fuuuck! He's right!" They heard a honking noise.

*BEEP* *BEEP*

It was Mute Sopp, he had already hotwired a car and lit a cigarette. Sanj was excited, "Hell yeah! That s the cigarette smokin, car jackin, clepto fucker I know and love!!!!" Although no one looked at him, mostly cause they wanted to live, Sanj became nervously defensive, "Uh, uh, uh... I don't mean it like-" Zoro smacked him in the back of the head as he and Luffy ran, "Who the fuck cares! Get the hell in! Let's try and live today!!" Sanj nodded in agreement and they all rushed into the car. "Punch on it fucknuts!" Sopp stepped on the gas and the car bolted down the street. Kaku and the others came out the door and shot at the car, busting the back window of the car, but ultimately Luffy and the gang mange to escape. "SHIT!!" Kaku screamed.

Sanj was practically hyperventilating "Fuck yes! We're alive!! Haha! Wooo!" Everyone was relived, however, Zoro had to bring up the question, "Now what do we do?" Sanj thought the answer was simple, "I tell ya what we do now, we get the fuck outa town and don't look back man. Sopp man, nearest shittin interstate please." Mute Sopp nodded. Luffy thought the answer was simple too, "We have to save the girls." Zoro had a small smile in agreement. Sanj was a little stunned, "Dude seriously! Forget about the chicks man! We'll find you guys some pussy, don't worry about it." Zoro and Luffy looked at Sanj, it was more than that they liked Robin and Nami, they didn't deserve what was happening to them. Sanj rolled his eyes, "Fine....." Sanj decided not to be an inhumane jackass at the moment, "I guess..... since me and Sopp fucked this all out of proportion in the first place we gotta stay, plus this the most fuckin fun I've had in a long fuckin time. Even if I have almost died twice." Sopp nodded in agreement. "But how are we going to save the hunnies man? I'm not goin back there with no edge." Luffy grinned, "Then we ll go get ourselves and edge."

Everyone stared at Luffy, even Sopp...... who was still driving. Zoro smirked, for some reason he thought Luffy was thinking what he was thinking, and he was. "What do you mean Luffy?" Luffy continued to grin, "Let's go kidnap their boss from that private airstrip and hold him for the girls' ransom! Hehehe." Zoro chuckled "Hmm, not bad." then the sad truth sunk in, "We don't know where the airstrip is though." Luffy and Zoro simultaneously frowned in defeat. "175 Austin St., to the left." They looked at Sanj in utter surprise and even more.... supreme puzzlement. "How do you-" Zoro couldn't help but be impressed, so he couldn't finish his sentence. Sanj smirked in air-headedness "Heh, I'm in the drug game. What can I say. I know shit man." Luffy and Zoro smirked as well, Sopp too, as he changed course to the 'private' airstrip.

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Back in Lucci's hide out: Nami and Robin were locked a in windowless all white room, almost like a mental institution room, scared to death on what would happen next. "Damn it....." Nami was crushed as she slid down the wall. "We're really going to die here." Robin rolled her eyes, "Nami... get a hold of yourself. Zoro and the goofy kid are coming back to save us. We just have to wait." Robin curled up as she sounded hopeful. Nami sneered, "*tf* You even know the green freak's name. Geez Robin, what is he an old customer too attached to his toy." Robin shot a look back at Nami. She knew she was panicked, but that didn't mean she had to be a bitch. "I know you're panicked, but that doesn't mean you have to be such a BITCH." (See.) Nami looked back at Robin darkly, "Fuck you." Robin smirked, "Your just jealous that MY admirer didn't come off as an idiot and call me a whore in front of everyone." Nami stood up in anger, "Shut the hell up bitch!" Robin stood up in retort, "Admit it you like him. Not only that but I saw how bad you felt by the look on your face when he was yelling and threating to kill just because you were about to die." Robin continued to smile. Nami was shaking in fury. "I SAID shut the hell up!! At least my man was rambunctious and blood thirsty to see me hurt, your guy was about to cry in fear of losing his precious little 'bird'." Nami was just being snooty now. Robin was now temperamental "DON'T call me a bird." Nami grinned wide, "Oh, sorry. Didn't know that it pissed you off." she said sarcastically. Robin simply replied in their little game. "At least MY man got free and almost saved us." Nami's jaw dropped in awe "Uh! Well the boy was..... um... SHUT UP!!" Nami was now red cause she didn't even know the boy's name. He was really sacrificing a lot to try an save her, both of them. Robin regained her usual attitude. "Look. Everything will be ok, just wait." Nami turned around. "I know." she said in a small way. "To think. WE'RE falling in love with two boys we barely even know."

"Yeah, you think we're stupid?"

"No.... I think we're glad there are still some guys out there that still think good of us."

"I know, they're so sweet, and concerning, and.... nice."

"Yeah, nice."

The girls reveled in the idea that two guys thought so highly of them and liked them for who the were. Not for what they had been for so long.

"Robin,.... I'm glad we're not whores anymore."

Robin smiled "Me too, and soon Zoro and the kid will be back to make sure of it."

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175 Austin St. About 10:00 p.m.

The crew rolled in slowly and quietly and parked behind a small building. They all got out and got closer to the strip behind a hanger and waited for the plane to arrive, carrying the BIG crime boss. They could see Buggy with Cabajji and Mojji waiting too. "DAMN IT!! Why the hell do we have to do this boss, and why has that guy not arrived yet!?" Cabajji was bored and annoyed. "Shut up you fool! Don't you get it!? This is your boss's boss's boss and my boss's boss! It's more of an honor than a chore dumbass so be great full!" A plane then came in and landed. Buggy grinned. "Look alive boys! Here he comes!"

They opened the plane door, and a gray toned skin man with a scar across his face, a cigar, a furry jacket across his shoulders, and a golden hook for a hand stepped out. "Greeting boss Crocodile! Welcome back to our humble city." Buggy bowed in utter devotion as did Mojji, however Cabajji just stood there, "*ptf* pathetic" he mumbled. Crocodile noticed this, he pulled out a gun and shot Cabajji in the head.

*PTT!!*

"W-w-w-WHAT THE HELL!!!!" Buggy was speechless and terrified. "SIR! WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR!?!?" Crocodile was smug, "Because my protege asked me too." "H-h-h-HOLD IT! There must be some mistake!"

"Are you Buggy?"

"Y-y-yes."

"Then there is no mistake, Lucci talked about a foolish clown that he wished was no longer around so I'm doing this a his promotion present. Three, Four, take care of these two." With that two men appeared out of the plane and shot Buggy and Mojji in their heads.

Sanj and Mute Sopp dropped their jaws. "Holy Shit! What the fuck were we thinkin!!?? Screw this I'm gone!" Zoro held Sanj back, "Calm down, we're smarter than that we'll figure this out." Luffy just grinned "Yeah, now let's grab us a boss-"

*PWWWTT!*

"AAAAAGGGGGHHHH!!!" Luffy was suddenly shot by a long range gun, he was in agonizing pain. Blood went everywhere, it hit Luffy right above his heart. Zoro flipped, "What the fuck was that!?!?" The whole gang was freaked and terrified.

About 100 ft away, Franky put his sniper back in his car and walked his way toward the team. "Gotcha."

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"Yo Sanj and Mute Sopp here to bring you this important message during the exciting part of the show. Remember to always brush your teeth, say no to drugs and stay in school. Or you'll end up like most of the gangsters in this story.......................... DEAD. Also wait to have sex after you're married and make sure you marry a girl. See ya!"

"Ok Sopp let's fuck this shit and go to a club and smoke some dope."

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"FUCK! AAAHHHH!!!!" Luffy was rolling in pain. Zoro was trying to help him, "Luffy are you all right!?" "FUCK NO! GETTING SHOT FUCKIN SUCKS!!!!! AND GOD DAMNIT IT HURTS LIKE A MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!!" "........ Right, sorry." "FUCK!!!!!!"

Crocodile and his crew heard all the commotion and saw the gang 'hiding' next to the hanger. Three and Four were about to attack when Crocodile saw Franky walking over to them with a gun. "Wait, let us see what happens."

"FUCK!!!!!!! I HATE GETTING SHOT!!!!" Sanj was trying to lighten the mood, "Well look at it this way, if you were made out of rubber, bullets would just bounce off you." "FUCK YOU SANJI!!!!!!!" "Right, sorry." "YOU FUCKERS QUIT SAYIN THAT AND HELP ME!!!!! SHIT!!!!" Sopp was tugging at Sanj to get his attention. "What!?" Sopp pointed at Franky heading toward them, "Aw fuck it's Franky. They fuckin sent Franky after us. We boned. So fuckin boned." Zoro picked up Luffy who was trying not to scream any more. "Who the hell is Franky?" "Only the best fuckin hitman on the damn planet." Sanj thought to himself for a moment, "Alright, you guys run back to the car, I'll hold him off." Zoro and Mute Sopp looked at Sanj in awe, "What? Look fuck the uncharacteristic thing and go already!" Zoro and Mute Sopp ran like hell for the car.

Franky was about to shoot at them when Sanj came out to face him. "Hey! Blue fucker! Yeah I'm talkin to you! Instead of bein a bitch hidin behind a gun why don't you and me fight in hand-to-hand combat huh!? Yeah that's right! When I was a rouge street fighter, I fought chumps like you BEFORE breakfast bitch!"

*WHAM*

Before your eye could blink, Franky hit Sanj in the face, HARD. Sanj staggered and fell, "T-hat wa-n't shi-"

*THUD*

Franky looked at Sanj and chuckled. He was about to shoot Sanj in the head when....

*BEEP* *BEEP*

Mute Sopp, Zoro and Luffy were in the car, and Mute Sopp just hit Franky with it. Franky went flying. Sopp got out of the car to go get Sanj. He got back in and drove away from the strip as fast as he could.

Franky got up and got into his car and started chase them. Crocodile watched this and kept his eye on Franky. "Three,"

"Yes sir."

"Get the rocket launcher and shoot the blue haired guy."

"The blue haired one? Why?"

"Because, he reminds me of a blue haired brat that I once made watch his father-figure die as I killed him.............. And I HATE that kid, him and his precious TOM-SAN."

Three shot off the RPG and blew up the car Franky was in. A massive explosion.

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As they continued to drive away, Zoro and Sanj were arguing on where to take Luffy to get help. "We gotta take him to the hospital!"

"Are you fucking mad! We use a hospital they'll find us!"

"You got any better ideas!?! If you do I would LOVE to hear them!!"

"I got one."

Zoro and Sanj looked a Luffy, he sounded so weak from blood loss. Zoro looked at him. "Like what Luffy?"

"I know this guy, *cough* he used to be a cop, best friends with my grandpa. *cough* We can trust him. *cough* He can help us."

Zoro and Sanj looked at each other and agreed. "Alright Luffy, where is this guy?"

To Be Continued.... 


	6. Who da fuck names their club the Ice Age

Chapter 6: "Who da fuck names their club 'The Ice Age'???"

Friday 11:00 p.m.

Sanj, Mute Sopp and Zoro carrying Luffy, looked up at the giant bright, light blue building of a night club with a massive neon sign that said THE ICE AGE. They could hear the music from outside. Sanj looked in disbelief, "Who da fuck names their club 'The Ice Age'??? That's so stupid." Zoro rolled his eyes "I guess this guy does dumbass." "Man if I had a club it be called somethin like 'Hoes are Us' or 'The Bitch is Real' maybe 'Fucktastic'." "Shut the hell up and let's get to the back!" They went to the back entrance like Luffy said, he was unconscious now, and being carried by Zoro in a piggy-back position. Zoro knocked on the back door. "YOHOHOHOHOHOHO! WHO IS THERE!???" A STRANGE tall man with an Afro answered the door. He was also a skeleton. The gang stared in awe, "Uh..... that's fake right?" Sanj tugged at the Afro Skeleton man. "NOHOHOHOHOHO! But don't worry, all I am is dead! OHHOHOHOHO! Is that young Luffy-san??! What happened?!?" The guys were kinda scared but then snapped out of it. "Oh! Yeah! He's bleeding bad! He could die! Please Mr. Aokiji help h-" The man cut Zoro off, "YOHOHOHOHO! I'm not Aokiji my friend! I am Brook his bookie! Mr. Aokiji sir! You have visitors!" Brook motioned the group to come in the room. They heard a lazy tone coming from what sounded like a man just waking up,"Ararararararara.... Who is it Brook?" When the whole crew got inside they saw a very tall man in a white suit with curly black hair and a sleeping mask on his head. Zoro seemed intimidated, "A-are you A-aokiji?" The tall man smiled, "Yes," then he noticed Luffy on Zoro's back, "Arararararara.... What has Luffy gotten into now?" Aokiji shook his head. "He got shot in the chest! He said you could help him." Aokiji scratched his head, "Why would he say that? I can't help him." The group looked at him in anger and confusion. Then Aokiji grinned, "But my doctor can." They looked at him in a 'really?' expression. "Brook," "Yes sir!" "Go get Tony."

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Sanj and Mute Sopp looked though the one way seeing glass window of the owner's private room at all the partying people in the club. "So you own all this shit man?" Aokiji just kept his small yet happy smile, "Yes." Sanj and Sopp looked at each other, smiles on their faces, "How can we getin on that?" Aokiji did not answer. The door opened and a small RIENDEER, on two feet walked in with Brook. "What the fuck is that?" Sanj looked as the reindeer walked over to Luffy who was on the couch, Zoro in the chair next to him. Aokiji still kept his smile, "He's my doctor, TonyTony Chopper." Mute Sopp started looking around the room, Sanj still stared at Tony Tony Chopper, "But why the FUCK is he a reindeer??" "When he was young, he ate a magical fruit and turned him half human." Sanj snorted, "Yeah and I'm a world class cook and flynuts over here is a masked superhero that sings his own theme song." Just then Mute Sopp was going though Aokiji's glass case and put on a very interesting yellow mask that fit his nose perfectly.

Chopper started to fix Luffy, sewing him up. "He lost a lot of blood, but I think he'll live." Chopper went to get a few bags of blood he brought in case Luffy needed it, which he did, and set up an IV in to Luffy. Zoro looked surprised, "He can talk too, huh." Then he looked at Brook who was just standing there, kind of lifeless. "So what's the skeleton's story." "He had power where when he died he could come back to life, but it took him 50 years to find his body so it was a skeleton when he got back to it." Zoro was confused, "Why does he still have the afro?" "It has strong roots." Zoro snorted, "Yeah and I'm the world's greatest swordsman and Luffy is a king." Sopp started jumping around with the mask on and crashed into the glass case.

*CRASH!!!*

"Way-to-go superbitch." Sanj looked at Sopp who was now motion less on the ground. Aokiji seem to not care. Zoro looked at Aokiji a little curiously, "So.... How do you know Luffy?" "I use to be in the force with his grandfather. But I became corrupt, getting paid to inform on cops and pushing officers in the wrong directions. I'm ashamed of myself now." Aokiji got up and looked out into his club. "His grandfather was my partner, and my best friend. He set me straight, got me out while I still could. He helped me start the night club business. I've been the owner of the 'Ice Age' for 10 years now. Luffy would come with his grandfather to visit me. I'm more like an uncle to him. He can always come to me for anything." Zoro seemed to understand. Aokiji looked at Luffy. "How is he Chopper?" Chopper got up and put his things back in his bag.

"He'll need a lot of rest, at least 3 days, and that's not even how long it will take his blood count to regenerate to normal. I've IVed him but it won't be enough." Zoro looked extremely concerned. "D-days!? B-but... w-we have to-" He was too frustrated to continue. "We........ have to............. save.......... N-nami and.............. Robin........" Luffy spoke. Everyone looked at him. He got up slowly, almost fell back, he was still groggy, the IV still in his arm. "Luffy..... you can't get up don't worry I'll go and-" Luffy cut Zoro off, "No!..... We have to do it together Zoro. We both want to save them, and I don't want to stay here and do nothing." Aokiji didn't really know their situation but, like most things, it didn't seem to care. He grinned, "Chopper, give him your little friend." Chopper looked scared, "B-but..... it could kill him in this state!" Aokiji chuckled, "This boy won't die from a little energy boost." Chopper gulped, but he did as he was told. He went into his bag and pulled out a small box. He opened it and gave Luffy a small yellow sphere shaped pill. "Take this, it's an adrenaline supplement I created. I will increase your physical performance and keep you from fainting due to blood loss. Aokiji asked me to make something like it for the bouncers to use in case of fights. I call it the 'Rumble Ball'."

Without hesitation Luffy took the pill. Suddenly Luffy jumped into the air and sprang to life. "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUCK YEAH!!!! THAT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE 'THE SHIT'!!!!" He started jogging in place and punching in the air, "LET'S GO KICK SOME GANGSTER ASS!!" Aokiji chuckled, "Well whatever you guys are doing, you'll most likely need 'back up'."

Aokiji took them to another room and opened a hidden slide door. It revealed a large room filled to the brim with guns and explosives. "Shiiiiiiiiiiit." was all Sanj could say, the rest were speechless. Sanj and Mute Sopp ran inside and started loading the guns and their pockets. Aokiji looked at Zoro's Yubashi he still had with him. "I see you have a thing for swords..." Aokiji took Zoro aside and opened another hidden door, this room contained 10 very distinct swords. "A-are they...." He looked at Aokiji with a look that looked like he was in heaven and was about to cry. "Yes, and you can use as many as you like." Zoro was now crying, "Thank you!" He ran in the room to examine the swords. Luffy stood there, not moving. Aokiji smiled, "Still don't like guns eh?" "Nope." Aokiji chuckled, "Come with me. I want to show you something." Aokiji took Luffy to the last hidden door in the room, one he hadn't opened in over 5 years.

In it was a small glass case, in the case were only 4 items: Aokiji's old police badge, a picture of him as a rookie cop with Luffy's grandpa, Garp, a file containing everything on Aokiji from the force, and his old gun. Aokiji opened the case and took out his gun. "Here, I haven't used this since I killed that drug lord that had your grandfather at gun point. The last night I considered myself as a cop, before I quit the next day. It still has ONE more bullet left. I want you to take it with you. You may need that JUST ONE bullet." Luffy nodded in respect and took the gun and put it at his side.

"Alright! How many people wanna kick some ass!" Sanj and Mute Sopp came out of the gun room ridiculously filled with guns sticking out everywhere. Luffy nodded, Zoro came out with THREE swords, Yubashi inside one of the glass cases. "Let's go." Luffy looked at Aokiji, "Aokiji, can you do something else for us?" Aokiji nodded, "Of course."

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Inside the city police department, in an office marked: Chief of Police: Monky D. Garp, an old man was sleeping.

*RING* *RING* *RING*

"uggggh...... who's there?"

*RING* *RING* *RING*

"AGH! Alright! I'm answering!.......Hello?.......... Aokiji? What do you want? Luffy did WHAT!? WHERE!?! SERIOUSLY!?!! ALRIGHT!!! I KNEW THAT BOY WOULD BE A GREAT COP!!!! THIS PROVES IT!!! OK WHERE!?! GOT IT!! THANKS!!"

The Police Chief headed out his door and opened the door next to his office marked: Lt. of Police: Smoker. "SMOKER! GET TASHIGI, HINA, AND EVERYONE ELSE YOU CAN FIND! MY GRANDSON JUST GOT US THE BIGGEST BUST EVER!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" The gray haired man smoking a cigar was reading a news paper and looked at his chief from his desk with a 'fuck off' expression. (He always has it, even if he's happy.) "This isn't like the time at the lingerie department in the mall is it?" "HELL NO! MY BOY JUST GOT US THE BIGGEST DRUG BUST THIS CITY HAS EVER SEEN! IT MAY GET YOU MY JOB! and me job as commissioner........ heheheh, take that Sengoku." Garp mumbled the last sentence to himself in delight, but Smoker still heard it. "Whatever." he replied and went out the door with Garp.

To be continued 


	7. For Dante and Randle!

Chapter 7: "For Dante and Randle!"

Friday Midnight.

All was quite outside in the street at 'Blueno's Bar'.

INSIDE: "Lucci!" Crocodile spread his arms out to give his apprentice a 'been a long time old buddy' hug. "Boss! So glad to see you alive and well...... I hope the clown and his fools were no trouble." They both chuckled, "Don't worry.... they were NO trouble at all." Daz Bonez came over to his boss. "Sir, there maybe a slight problem...." Crocodile looked at his '# 1', "You wouldn't happen to mean a blonde idiot, a long nose, a green haired guy and a loud brat would you?" Bonez looked in disbelief, "Y-yes. But how did y-" "They paid us a visit at the air strip, but don't worry, your blue haired friend took care of them... enough." Lucci looked excited. "Ah, Franky! Good, he'll see his payment tomorrow!" Crocodile smirked, "That won't be necessary. Mr. Franky already received his... payment." Lucci looked at him confused, "Did you..." now realizing what Crocodile meant. "Oh don't worry Lucci! I had to go through a least 10 men till I got Bonez here!" Crocodile looked at Bonez in a impressed way. "Thank you sir." Lucci clapped his hands in happiness, "Perfect! Everything seems good! Then I have something for you to see Boss!" Lucci left with Jybura and Kaku following.

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The gang rolled up into the street of 'Blueno's Bar' and got out. Zoro asked the questions first, "So how we getting in without dying in a massive gun fight right off the bat?" Sanj seemed to have it all worked out, like had been planning on it, "You guys sneak to the back and climb in through the hole in the ceiling yous made. Fuck Nugget and I will stay here, draw the dick sandwiches out and have a little chit-chat wit'em. With our GUNS doin most of da talkin." Zoro again was impressed, "Wow, it sounds reasonable and clever, and it gives you a higher chance of death percentage than it does me..... I like it." "Thanks...... Wait, it gives us what?" "Never mind that, let's DO IT!" Luffy was pumped. "Alright...." Sanj cocked his machine gun "See you bitches later..... or in HELL!..... I hope it's later... Alright Sopp man, FOR DANTE AND RANDLE!!!" Luffy and Zoro looked at Sanj, "Who???"

Sanj looked at them, "You know.... you guys.... the clerks."

"That's not our names! Not even close!"

"Yeah where do you think we're from..... Jersey?!"

"Whatever. LET'S KICK IT!" With that Sanj took out a pin grenade and threw it at the bar.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!!!"

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Lucci, Kaku, and Jybura brought out Nami and Robin. Crocodile looked at them. "And what is this?" Lucci smirked, "It seems that the brat and the green one liked these two, so I thought I'd use them to lure them back here and finish them off but seeing as they are DEAD," he looked at Robin and Nami as he said this. Their looks of horror made him ecstatic, "There is no more use for them, and I thought a public execution would be a good welcome back present for starters." Crocodile smiled in approval "Well done Lucci. Now let's finish them off, shall we?" Lucci nodded to Kaku and Jybura. They pointed their guns at the girls, Nami and Robin screamed in fear.

*BOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!*

The whole bunker shook. "What was that! It was more than a simple.... whatever!" Lucci was panicked. "Kaku! Jybura! Fukurou! Blueno! Kumadori! Everybody who isn't me, Boss, Kalifa, or the whores, go check that out now!" The men ran up stairs to see what had happened.

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"*cough* *cough* *cough* *COUGH* *COUGH* Uh! Shit!...... My bad!" Dust was everywhere as Sanj had just blown up half of 'Blueno's Bar'. "*cough* What were you thinking! Dumbass! *cough* *cough*" Zoro wanted to shoot Sanj now. "You blew the place half to hell! *cough* The hole in the ceiling probably isn't even there anymore! *cough*" "Well look at it this way *cough* you got more entrances to choose form. *cough*" Then they heard shots fired at them.

*Bang* *Bang* *TlTlTlTlTlTlTlTlTlTlTlTl*

"Damn! They're already up here! Let's go!" Sanj and Mute Sopp split form Luffy and Zoro. "DIE FUCKERS!!!" Sanj and Sopp fired off their machine guns.

*TlTlTlTlTlTlTlTlTlTlTl* *TlTlTlTlTlTlTlTlTlTlTl* *TlTlTlTlTlTlTlTlTlTlTl*

Luffy and Zoro snuck into the bunker entrance past the men while Sanj and Sopp kept them busy.

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Zoro and Luffy continued to ran down the stairs, hoping not to run in to any body just yet. They were almost at the bottom when...

*WHAM*

Luffy ran into something. "Ugh.... what was that?" they looked down at the floor to see a scrawny purple haired man in a mask laying on the ground, knocked unconscious. "Whoever he was he must be pretty weak to get knocked out by running into somebody." Zoro then looked at the mask and then the gun the man was carrying. "Luffy, get that mask, I have an idea."

In the main room Lucci was pacing up and down, worrying what was happening outside. Were they under attack? By who? Crocodile was a little annoyed by this, "Calm down Lucci, whatever it is it will be fine. Chill out, fuck you girlfriend." Kalifa blushed at this, Robin snorted, "*pt*" Kalifa hit Robin in the back of the head. "Quit bitch!" "Now, now, my dear Kalifa. They'll be dead momentarily." "Ummmm..... excuse me..." Lucci looked urgently at the door. It was Luffy in the purple haired guy's clothes and mask. "Ah, Spandam, what is it?" "N-news *cough* News from outside sir." He tried his best 'bad guy' voice. "Yes, what is it? Speak!" Then Zoro came in with Spandam's gun and pointed it at Luffy/Spandam. "Alright! Give us the girls or your lackey gets it!" Lucci began to laugh, "Hahaha! What you think you can threaten me with Spandam's life. He's a loser! Kill him I don't care! We don't do negotiations with good guys." Zoro and Luffy/Spandam looked at him, "Dude," "That's harsh" Luffy now talked in his regular voice. Lucci noticed this, "Hey, wait! You're not Spandam!" Zoro and Luffy now had to change plans, "Shit." Zoro threw Luffy towards the girls and started to shoot off the gun at Lucci and the others.

*BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG*

Luffy ran to the girls and picked them up and headed towards the door. Nami and Robin were happy to see their rescuers were not dead and DID come back to save them. Lucci and Crocodile were hiding behind the large chair. "I thought you said they were dead!" "I said that the blue hair took care of them enough! I didn't think they would be stupid enough to come back after getting shot! Besides, aren t your men outside suppose to take care of them from getting in here!"

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Back outside: Sanj and Mute Sopp were doing pretty well. They had killed Fukurou and some no bodies. They moved into the quick stop, it was utterly destroyed. Sanj and Sopp hid behind some shelves, while Kaku, Jybura and the others were behind the counter. "Damn! How the hell did THEY get the counter, that's like getting the high ground in a western man! We're fucked!" Sopp slapped Sanj, "Right, I gotta snap out of it, thanks man." He looked at Sopp, they looked at the guys shooting at them, then back at each other, "Alright. LET'S GO BIZ-NICH!!!" They got up and started shooting back.

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Zoro and Luffy were almost at the stairs with the girls when...

*BANG*

Daz Bonez shot in the air. "That's far enough." Luffy quickly thought, he threw Robin at Zoro. Zoro caught her, Luffy but Nami down and tackled Bonez, "Hurry run! I'll hold him off!" Zoro untied Roibin and Nami, Zoro and Robin ran, Nami stayed, "I-I'm not leaving you!" Luffy smiled. Zoro looked back at Luffy, "It's ok go! We'll catch up!" Zoro nodded and he and Robin ran down a hall way. A large group of men appeared and captured Luffy and Nami. They were returned to the main room where Lucci punched Luffy. "You brat! Quit fucking up my stuff! Put him and his precious whore in the holding room. I want them and their friends to die together!" Crocodile got up and went to a back door. "Where are you going boss?" Crocodile looked back, "It seems to hostile here. I'm going back to my jet. Call when things have died down here." "Will do sir!"

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On a road: Garp and Smoker were riding in the same police car, with about 7 others behind them. Smoker seemed skeptical about all this, "You SURE this is the right address? Your grandson isn't being a punkass in the middle of the night is he?" "MY GRANDSON IS NOT A PUNKASS! HAVE A LITTLE FAITH SMOKER!" "Whatever."

To be continued... 


	8. I'm Sorry I love you Bitch

Chapter 8: "Sorry I'm in love with you bitch"

Zoro and Robin ran as fast as they could to escape their pursuers. They finally lost them when Zoro took Robin's hand and they quickly ran into a room. "*huh* *huh* We lost them.... *huh*" Robin was huddled up close to Zoro, griping his body tight to hers. The both realized this and broke off, both their faces red. Robin looked at Zoro shyly, she was finally next to the guy who had been risking his life to save her. "Um... thanks, for saving me." she was still red. Zoro was nervous, "Uh... yeah, no problem." "Now what do we do?"

"Well, we figure out how to get Luffy and the other girl." For some reason, Robin didn't like that he didn't know her best friends name. "Um, her name is NAMI." Zoro looked at her, "Ok... sorry." Robin seemed to turn sort of snooty, "Well if we'er going to date, you should now my best friend s name. We're practically sisters." Zoro was a little peeved at her demanding tone, "Who said I was gonna date you." Robin's eyes widened, "What the hell does that mean!? You've been risking you life to save me and all you want from me is a quickie!?!?" Zoro was taken off, "N-no, UGH! That's not it." "Then what!?"

"Well you can change a guy's mind pretty fast when you so quickly get all high maintenance like you are now."

"Uh! I am NOT high maintenance."

"Could have fooled me."

*SMACK*

"Ow."

Robin was now flushed in fury, "You are an asshole." Zoro rubbed his cheek where Robin slapped him. "Look I'm trying not to die here while saving my best friend, the girl he likes and the girl I like so give me a damn break!" Robin sighed, "You're right, sorry." Zoro huffed, "Well I'M sorry I'm in love with you bitch." Robin got angry again, "DON'T call me a BITCH." Zoro rolled his eyes, "Whatever."

*SMACK*

"Ow......... Sorry." "Fine." Robin huffed and turned away from Zoro crossing her arms. They could hear people talking and shouting, running around looking for them. Robin smirked, "It... could be awhile till we get a chance to get out of here. Maybe we could...." She turned around to Zoro, a suggestive and seductive look on her face. Zoro knew what she was talking about and grinned, "Really? Now?" Robin smiled, "Why not? You did just save me." She got closer to him and they kissed.

Oddly enough, none of the men looking for them outside heard the moans and groans coming form the room Zoro and Robin were hiding, and screwing, in.

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Luffy and Nami were thrown into the holding room tied up. "Damn it! I thought you were here to rescue me! Not get held captive with me dumbass!" Nami was yelling at Luffy. All Luffy could do was think, ("Wow, I had no idea she was so bitchy") "...and another thing!- HEY! Are you listing to me!?"

"What? Yeah! Sorry......... Sorry I'm in love with you bitch....."

"What was that!?!?"

"N-nothing!"

Nami sighed, "Forget it. We're dead anyways." she was depressed again. Luffy looked at her, full of determination, "Don't worry, we WILL get out of this. I swear. If I can't, I will at least save you." Nami looked at him, "Really? That's sweet.... L-Luffy right?" Luffy turned red and grinned, "Yeah." Nami turned red too. They had a weird silence, both too shy to go forward with their feelings. Then Nami looked at Luffy, he looked back, they leaned in to each other and began to kiss. Their tongues quickly fought for control but they started to sync in harmonic thrusts. They broke the kiss. "Wow," Nami smiled, still red. "You taste amazing." Luffy was red too. "T-thanks." she said back to him. "We will get out of this right?" Nami asked, a little scared. "I promise." Luffy said boldly. Nami smiled and buried her face into his chest for comfort.

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Back outside, Sanj and Mute Sopp had defeated and killed the henchmen. "Fuck yeah! We are like GODS man!" Sanj and Sopp celebrated with a hi-five. As they started to victory dance, Sanj noticed something among the dead bodies. "Hey, where's the dude with the fugly nose?" "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Kaku jumped out of nowhere onto Sanj and started punching him. "HOLY SHIT! GET HIM OF ME BITCH FACE! HE'S PUNCHING MY EAR! HE'S PUNCHING MY EAR! AGGGHHHH!!!" Sopp grabbed his gun and wildly shot it off at Sanj and the attacking Kaku.

*TlTlTlTlTlTlTlTlTlTlTlTl*

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At the airstrip, Crocodile was heading to his plane when he heard sirens. Garp and the cop cars were coming into the driveway. Crocodile had no one to protect him, Three and Four were dead, unknown to him, outside Blueno's Bar and Daz Bonez was finishing preparations back in the bunker. "Well I guess I'll have to fly out myself." As he made his way up the plane stairs, he was stopped by a BLUE HAIRED man with tattered and burnt clothes. "You tried to kill me." said Franky, "This is for Tom-san." Franky pulled back his fist and hit Crocodile hard in the face.

*WHAM*

*THUD*

Crocodile fell hard on the concrete ground as the police cars made it to the scene.

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Zoro and Robin came out the room they were in, both of their clothes were a little ruffled and out of place. They grinned sheepishly at each other, "Ok, now let s got save Luffy and your 'sister'." "Hold it!" a woman yelled. Kalifa held her gun at them. Zoro and Robin held their hands up, as Kalifa inched closer, Robin grabbed her gun and hit her in the head with it.

*THUD*

Kalifa fell to the ground unconscious. "Take THAT bitch." Robin was rather proud of herself. Zoro gave her an impressed kiss and they went to go save Luffy and Nami.

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The door opened to the room where Luffy and Nami were being held. Lucci and some other men walked in, "Alright let's go, I have a feeling your friends will be back soon and I want to kill you in front of them, so let s go. I've got other things to do." The men picked up Luffy and Nami and followed Lucci out the door.

To Be Contiued... 


	9. How bout I shoot you and end this story

Chapter 9: "How bout I shoot you and end this story now."

Inside the quick stop: Kaku lay dead. "Whew! That was close man! You are a kickass shot! Dora the Explora can suck my dick, cause We Did It!" Mute Sopp looked at him in confused and disgust. "What? I know she's like 6, it was a metaphor dude, chill the fuck out." Sanj looked at 'Blueno's bar', "Alright, let s go join our buds and kick some more ass."

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Lucci walked into the main room with Luffy and Nami being carried behind him. "Well, well, look who we have here." Daz Bonez was in the room and had Zoro at gun point. Lucci was happy, but then he looked around, "Where's the whore?" Bonez couldn't help chuckle, he looked at Lucci, "I value my life too much to take a bullet for YOU." Robin revealed herself from behind Bonez, a gun to his head. Lucci looked in awe. "You..... you fuckers tricked me!" Zoro smirked and took the gun Bonez had and pointed it at Lucci, "Now.... let them go!"

Lucci was now panicked, he didn't know what to do, none of his men were around to help him, except for the 'unnamed henchmen 1 and 2' but they would be no help, and Bonez obviously didn't care if he was killed off or raped or whatever else the fuck could happen to him. "......... Fine, let them go." As the men untied Luffy and Nami, and they made their way towards Zoro and Robin, Bonez seized the moment and took back his gun from Zoro. He hit Robin, she fell from the strike, then he pointed the gun at Zoro. Lucci pulled out his gun and started shooting at Nami and Luffy. Zoro tried to grab the gun back from Bonez. They struggled back and forth, tossing and spinning around, the gun started to shoot off due to the struggling to get it. Luffy pushed Nami out of the way of the gunfire.

Luffy slide down towards Robin and grabbed the gun she had. Robin got up and ran low to where Nami was hiding. Lucci continued to fire at Luffy, Luffy hid behind a barrel and shot back.

Zoro made Bonez drop the gun, Bonez punched Zoro in the face and dove for the gun. Zoro went after him and tackled him away from the gun.

Luffy ran out of bullets so he decided to throw the gun at Lucci. It hit him in the head. (Yeah the gun hit him, none of the damn bullets, that's fucking perfect.) "OW!! FUCK! WHO THE HELL THROWS THEIR GUN!?!?" Luffy took this distraction and ran towards one of the henchmen who was down. He must have gotten hit by one of the bullets. Lucci saw this and shot at Luffy. Luffy slide again and grabbed the gun next to the knocked out, or dead, henchman and hid once more and shot back at Lucci.

Zoro was on top of Bonez, punching him in the face, swinging his fists back and forth across Bonez's face. Bonez grabbed Zoro's hands and headbutted him. "SHIT!" Zoro fell off Bonez, Bonez now got on top of Zoro and started punching his face in. Zoro backed up his legs and kick/pushed Bonez off of him. Bonez went through the air, and landed next to the gun.

Lucci continued to shoot at Luffy, again Luffy ran out of bullets and threw that gun at Lucci, it hit him in the head again, "FUCK! QUIT THROWING YOUR FUCKING GUNS AT ME DAMN IT!!!"

"I keep running out of bullets! Why the fuck haven't you run out!?"

"I have rounds with me!"

Luffy thought for a moment, "...... Oh...... can I have some?"

Lucci smirked, ".........S~u~r~e......"

Luffy got up from his hiding spot, "Really!?"

Lucci shot at Luffy. Luffy ducked back down, "YOU FUCKING LIAR!!!"

"I'm a drug dealer and a gangster! Of course I fucking lied!"

Luffy thought for another moment "......... right...."

He heard a gunshot from somewhere else. He looked at where Zoro was. Zoro collapsed to his knees holding what looked like his gut. Bonez stood over him with the gun.

Luffy's eyes widened, "ZOROOOOOO!!!!!!"

Luffy got up and ran fulll motherfucking speed at Bonez, full of rage.

Lucci and Bonez shot at him, but everyone of them seem to miss. Luffy clenched his fist as he ran. He jumped in the air and hit Bonez HARD. At least 3 teeth and a lot of blood came from Bonez's face. He fell to the ground motionless. Luffy looked at Zoro, "Zoro!!!" Zoro looked up back at him, "Don't worry..... he only got my upper leg, I'll live." Lucci got a machine gun from one of the dead henchmen and started shooting it off randomly in Luffy and Zoro's direction. Luffy and Zoro ran to where Robin and Nami were hiding.

"Shit! What do we do!?" Nami screened. Robin was taking care of Zoro. "Luffy, we're fucked man." Zoro sounded like he was shivering, probably due to blood loss. Luffy looked at them all seriously.

Lucci stopped shooting momentarily. "All right brat! Why don't you come out and will 'talk'." Luffy knew he was lying.

Then they all heard a strange noise. "Ow! Fuck!" *CLANG* *BANG* *THUD* *CLANG* *BOOM* *THUD*

Sanj fell though a vent.

Luffy and the others saw him fall onto the floor, "Sanji! What are you doing here?" Sanj looked at them in disappointment, "Oh thanks. No problem. All I did was come and save you fuckers and all Iz get is a 'What are you doing here?' What the hell man! Oh and thanks for not using my code name Luthor." "Oh........ sorry didn't mean that. Hey where's Sopp?" Sanj had a cigarette in his mouth and smiled, "Oh he's still outside, he's doing some....... last minute touches."

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OUTSIDE: Mute Sopp was emptying large amounts of gas cans all over the bodies and the quick stop. Suddenly a bunch of cop cars came down the street, one stopped next to Sopp. Mute Sopp dropped the gas cans and tried to not act suspicious, which made him more suspicious looking. The cop car window rolled down and Smoker stuck his head out, "Hey you! Stupid looking civilain! Do you know where the FUCK Blueno's Bar is supposed to fucking be." Garp scolded his partner, "Smoker! Don't call the civilian stupid looking! No matter how true it is! And quit saying fuck so fucking much. You dumbfuck rookie!" Smoker rolled his eyes, "W-whatever. Look, long nose, you know where the Bar is." Sopp was trying to tell them in charades form since he didn't talk.

("Why yes my good police officers. I, Usopp, do indeed fact know where the alleged 'Blueno's Bar' is located. It is currently located right behind you, but because of the inconvenient explosion that my cohort, Sanji, caused, you cannot tell it is indeed the said bar you are looking for")

As Mute Sopp finished his motion of what Smoker and Garp thought was a bear killing a monkey on a tight rope, they were confused at what Sopp was trying to say. "What........ the FUCK are you talking about kid??????"

"Smoker! I said quit saying FUCK goddamn it!"

Sopp smacked his head as they didn't seem to know what he was doing.

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Sanj: "Oh he's still outside, he's doing some....... last minute touches. He'll be here shortly."

Lucci pointed his gun at Sanj, "Good, he can join you all in DIEING!"

Sanj continued to smile, "I think not bitch." Sanj reached in the back of his pants and pulled out...... a 17.5 inch Magnum Research BFR (Biggest Finnest Revolver). "I say........ How bout I shoot you and end this story now. Kill where the main villain stands and the author has nothing to right about next chapter motherfucker." Lucci was confused, "What are you babbling about you idiot!" Luffy and Zoro were still amazed at the Magnum. "OOOOOOOOO! Where did you buy that Sanji! It's awsome." Zoro was a little disturped. "Fuck that........ Where was he HIDDING IT?!" Sanj became airheaded, "Oh nowhere, but I gotta thank Manswers for this baby, biggest hand gun you can buy in the U.S. bitch." Sanj got serious and pointed the magnum at Lucci. "Now....... I say the secondary character gets the pussy......... or at least kills the bad guy." Lucci was spastic, "AGIAN! What the FUCK are you talking about!?!" Luffy was smiling, "Yeah Sanji! Kick his ass" Sanj looked at Luffy, "Dude, that's what I'm doing..... and my name is Sanj!" Lucci decided to kill Sanj while he was distracted. Luffy noticed this to his horror, "SANJI!!!"

*BANG*

That day, Saturday, 3 a.m. a gun was shot off. And a body lay dead on the floor in his own blood.

To be completed, next chapter. 


	10. Fuck it I'm talkin now

Final Chapter: "Fuck it.... I'm talkin now."

Lucci lay dead in a pool of his own blood. Luffy had shot him, with Aokiji's gun, with that one bullet left. "Dude........." Sanj realize that he could have been killed. "That was the fuck man." he seemed humbled, a tear rolled down his eye. Zoro walked over, Robin holding him up, helping him. "Dude, are you crying???" "*sniff* *sniff* ...... fuck you man..... *sniff* I almost died man......" Zoro rolled his eyes, "You bitch, I actually GOT shot, I'm not crying." Sanj looked at Zoro's wounded leg, Sanj seemed to easily recover to his usual 'stoked' attitude. "Whoa shit! That's fuckin awesome man. Shitt'n gangster!" Zoro and Robin both rolled their eyes.

Luffy stood over Lucci, just staring down at the man he just killed. Nami came over to him to comfort him, "You ok?" Luffy still just stood there aimlessly, "......." Nami wrapped herself around his arm. "First time I've ever killed somebody," Luffy was not really himself at this moment. "It'll be fine Luffy, I promise." Luffy looked at Nami and smiled, she smiled back.

Suddenly the door busted opened and cops flooded into the room. "MOVE! MOVE! MOVE! HINA AND TASHIGE WANTS THIS PLACE DOWN NOW!!!" Some of the cops pointed their guns at Luffy and the crew, "FREEZE!" "FREEZE!" "PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR NOW!!!"

Garp and Smoker came into the room, "HOLD YOUR HOURSES BOYS! THAT'S MY GRANDSON AND HIS FUCKED UP FRIENDS." Zoro rolled his eyes, "Hey, it's blowhard fuckhead Garp and yeah I'M the fucked up one." "GARHAHAHAHAHAHA! WELL DONE LUFFY!!!! I KNEW YOU WOULD FOLLOW THE PATH OF THE COP ONE DAY!!! GARHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" Then Garp noticed the look on Luffy's face and Lucci on the floor, "Ah Luffy, my boy, It's hard to take a life for a 'GOOD' reason, but I'm sure if YOU did it, there was no way in ANY way you were wrong to do it." Luffy smiled at his grandpa. Garp howled, "ALRIGHT! LET'S GET OUTSIDE AND FORGET THIS HELL HOLE!!"

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Outside the sun was rising. They met up with Mute Sopp, "Sopp! You're alive!.... uh I mean, OF COURSE..... you're..... alive!" Sanj was just being stupid but hey, that's Sanj. Luffy looked at Sopp, "So, Sanji said you were finishing something. What was it?" Mute Sopp looked at everybody who was staring at him. "Fuck it...... I'm talkin now. .......... Check this shit out." USOPP said as he lit a cigarette and tossed it at a damp trail next to him.

The match set off a gasoline trail that set on fire all the way to quick stop. It exploded in fire setting a blaze to the quick stop, the bodies still inside,..... and all the buildings connected to it. Zoro looked in horror, his jaw dropped. Sanj looked at him, "Dude..... what's up with you face?" Zoro was mortified, "We.... we..... WE STILL WORKED THEIR!!!!" Sanji looked at the quick stop, then back a Zoro, "I don't remember working there man." Zoro was about to beat the crap out of Sanj if he could move, his leg still hurt like hell and was still slightly bleeding, "ME AND LUFFY DUMBASS!!!!" Sanj had a realization, "Ohhh......." he looked back at the burning building, ".... Well you're boned with your boss, man." Zoro tried to jump Sanj but still couldn't move too much. "DAMN IT!!!! WHY DO I HAVE TO BE FIRED FROM EVERYTHING!!!!! I think I'll just go to my house, never work again and just die..." he was very depressed.

Luffy put his arm around Zoro's shoulders and grinned widely, "Dude! You can't look at it as being fired this time! The place blew up! That's not being fired! That's unemployment due to circumstance! We're in the clear man!" Zoro smacked himself in the forehead, "7 hours of so much fucked up shit..... and what the hell I got for it!?" He looked at Robin, "Well I guess I got the best thing I could huh?" Robin smiled, "Definitely." They kissed.

Luffy looked at Nami, "I got to agree Zoro." he kissed Nami. Sanj and Usopp looked at them with happiness, then jealousy took over, where were their bitches man? They looked at each other for a moment then quickly looked away with sick looks on their faces. "Uh......." Usopp spoke again, "Wanna get some chicks from the strip club?" Sanj nodded, "Fuck yeah! Let's leave this mushy shit!" As they were about to leave, Garp stopped them.

"Do you to realize all the bodies in that burning FUCKFURNIS was evidence right? And you KNOW what the CAPITAL punishment for getting rid of evidence is don't you??" Sanj and Usopp gulped. Then Sanj panicked, "I was all bitch tits's idea!" Usopp looked at him, "ME!? You're the one that told me to do it asshole!"

"Oh great! Now that you can talk your gonna defend yourself now?! How can I have a scapegoat if you snitch on me snitchin!?"

"You know what!? Fuck you SANJI!"

"It's SANJ!"

"You sir are a DUMBASS!" he slapped Sanji.

"You slapped me!" Sanji slapped back.

Usopp slapped back.

Sanji slapped back.

It turned into a slap BRAWL.

Garp just laughed, "GARHAHAHAAHHAHA!!!! YOU TWO BITCHES ARE TOO PATHITIC TO LOCK UP!!!! GARHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'M NOT GOING TO ARREST YOU PUSSIES!!!!"

Sanji and Usopp stopped slapping each other and looked at Garp, "........ thanks?"

As they headed home Zoro was just so relieved, "Man, I'm just glad over all we made it in one piece." Luffy thought about that, "Hmmm.... ONE PIECE, I like the way that sounds.

Everybody went home, today had been pretty fucked up. Robin went with Zoro to his house. Nami went with Luffy to a hotel. Usopp and Sanji went to a strip club.

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In the city, in a small building labeled: Galley-La Machanics. A man walked in and pushed on a man under a car with his feet. The pushed caused the man under the car to get hit with something, "UGH! FUCK! WHO THE HELL IS PUSHING-" the man got from underneath the car got up and realized who it was. "Hey Paulie," the other man said, "Ice-baka here?" Paulie was speechless, "Y-yeah....... he's...... in the....... office......." "Thanks Paulie."

The man opened the door to the Galley-La main office. Iceburg looked to see who it was and smiled, "Nma, you come for a job....... Franky?"

Franky grinned, "Yeah, I guess so." Iceburg was a little shocked, "Does that mean...."

Franky chuckled, "Yeah, I got him Iceburg......... Crocodile is behind bars. I gave the cops all they needed to put him away for life on Tom-san's death alone. I got justice. The kind of justice Tom-san would be proud of." Iceberg s smile got bigger, "I think he is VERY proud bro."

Franky wiped away a single, small tear, "Yeah....... I think he is too."

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~Epilogue~

Luffy and Zoro got honors and the key to the city for being civilian heroes in aiding the biggest drug bust and criminal arrest in the history of the STATE. They are both still with Nami and Robin. Robin's pregnant with one, Nami has triplets.

Sanji and Usopp somehow convinced Aokiji to make them business partners. They now own 30% of all the nightclubs Aokiji own and their prophet.

Franky became lead manufacturer of Galley-La Mechanics, he later created his own company and is still the CEO, Chairman, Board Leader, and owner of Oro Jackson Industries.

Crocodile is still in jail.

Lucci and all the others are still dead.

Daz Bonez escaped custody and hid under the name Jacob Uno. He now owns a blade and sword shop called 'Number 1 Blades'. Zoro orders from their catalog of swords every now and then, not knowing who owns the store.

Kizaru, Don Krieg, Kuro, Nojiko, Geko Moria, Boa Hancock, Coby, Morgan, Django, Fullbody, Anyone from the Skypia ark, Michael Jackson, Elvis, Martians, President Obama, Evil overlord Dick Cheney, Batman, Naruto, Ichigo and many other people were not in this story.

THE MOTHERFUCKIN END BITCHES

~Super Epilogue~

Zoro walked up to Luffy who was behind the counter of his newly rebuilt and re-owned bar, renamed 'One Piece'. "So, I guess this beats any shitty dead end job we've had before huh?" Luffy grinned, "Fuck yeah! I hope we have shit that happened to us back then to happen now too!!!" Zoro agreed without realizing what Luffy meant, "ha, yeah- Wait! WHAT!?!?"

THE ACTUAL END BITCHES 


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